my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
