Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
