come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
