your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
