i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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