I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
