Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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