I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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