I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
