So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
