lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
