Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
