singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
