sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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