mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
