I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
