R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
