Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need to calm my uterus...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
