I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
