I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
