Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
