I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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