oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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