I just made out with a guy for $7.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
