masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
