Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
