is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
