his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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