well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
