i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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