she woke up with a sticky ear
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
