my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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