How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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