I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
