You work out of a Hotel?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
