That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
