Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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