So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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