i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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