Please, let me fuck your mom
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
