You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
