there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
