I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
