i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
