Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sext me about skeletons
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
