I am in a vortex of obligation.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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