I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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