Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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