Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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