well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hippo gnu deer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
