I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
