Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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