I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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