What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
