um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
