So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
