just come out here and I will go home with you...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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