Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
