OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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