you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
