in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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