he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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