Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
