so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
