I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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