i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
