I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
