if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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