Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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