dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
