Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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