TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
