I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
