I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
